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Fear
Fear
I used to live in fear of myself. My fear of heights stems from this fear. It was not the feeling of being up high that caused me the issue, it was the feeling of wanting to jump and not trusting myself to be able to fight that urge. I was afraid of what was in my own head. I was very uncomfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t trust my thoughts or emotions. When left to their own devices they would run rampant over my life. For a long time, I was a slave to my emotions. It almost destroyed me not being able to feel free to trust my inner motivations. It took a long time, a lot of work and struggle to get to the point where I could trust myself. Now I am free, there is very little in this world I fear anymore. I do not live in fear of the future or much else because I have made my way through so much that I have the confidence, the skills and the fortitude to handle almost anything. But for years I hid from myself. It was not until I finally got fed up and crawled into my own head that these feelings of dread started to ease themselves. It was anger and frustration that gave me the strength the confront my inner demons. I was mad at the world, so I decided to change the one thing that I truly had control over, myself. When I got inside my head and really started looking around in there, I was really surprised at what I found. My fear came from doubt, my doubt came from letting other people’s opinions, bias and judgement control who I thought I was. I couldn’t trust myself because for one I had no idea who I was and two I was letting other people control who I thought I was. Why would I let other people who had no idea who I was define who I was? Why would I give anyone that kind of power? So, I took that power away from them, it was at that point I realized it was up to me to define who I really was. I feared myself and my own motivations because I had no idea what the real me was like. I had this false impression of myself, a specter created by other people’s assumptions and judgment. At that moment, I stopped letting people have that kind of power over me, I stopped caring what other people thought about me and things started to change. All the things a hated about myself were not generated by my own hate or any real flaw in myself, but the projected hatred and judgment of others. When I started to really get to know myself, I found somebody I really liked, someone worth trusting and listening to. All the traits that I had always admired in others I found I personally possessed. I was just so wrapped up with my false self that I failed to notice them. Once I broke that shell, that unfounded perception of myself, I started to realize the great injustice I had been doing to myself all those years. I was a great person, kind, compassionate, caring worthy of the respect and dignity I had always afforded others. The doubt and fear started to vanish. I found that I had more and more control over the thoughts and emotions that had plagued me all those years. I could trust myself; I could count on me being able to make decisions that were correct for me, and if I made a mistake, I had no problem forgiving myself, learning from it and moving on. As the fear and doubt melted away, I found myself being successful with things I had never been able to do before. I could keep my emotions in check, work through problems and issues in a way I have not been able to do. It was learning to truly love myself that conquered that fear that had been driving my life down for so many years. Finally, being able to see the real me for the great person I am. It has done nothing but propel me forward from the life that had been circling the drain. I fear little anymore. I know after everything I’ve been through that my faith in myself will be able to push me onward past any challenges that life can throw at me. I used to not be able to stand being in my own head, now I kind of like it in there. I’m not perfect. I still have plenty of issues, but I can work on those because I can see them. You can’t fix a problem if you can’t see it in the first place. I own my life the good and the bad and I take responsibly for my actions. I am responsible for my own happiness. Being able to take an honest look at yourself does wonders. I oversee my own behavior; I will never again blame anybody else for the things I do or feel. I am no longer afraid to just be me, the real me. Overcoming the fear of myself was one of the greatest battles I have ever fought, but it was worth it. Really getting to know myself and destroying the pointless doubt changed my life. I tell you this not because I’m trying to brag or convince anyone how great I am, I tell you this because if I can do it so can you. It’s not easy and it does not happen over night but overcoming your self fear opens a whole new world of possibilities and experiences. The path is going to be different for everyone, you must take the time to learn how to change yourself from within. Unfortunately, no one can tell you exactly how to do that, you must discover that on your own, but it’s something worth taking the time to find. Be mindful, gather tools, inspiration and knowledge that will aid you in this endeavor. Try different things and see what can work for you. All your self work and effort will pay off if you’re just willing to do it. So, learn to love yourself, trust yourself, forgive yourself in any way you can, conquer that fear and doubt and life becomes a much greater place. Never let fear hold you back from the life you deserve or who you truly are.
I used to live in fear of myself. My fear of heights stems from this fear. It was not the feeling of being up high that caused me the issue, it was the feeling of wanting to jump and not trusting myself to be able to fight that urge. I was afraid of what was in my own head. I was very uncomfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t trust my thoughts or emotions. When left to their own devices they would run rampant over my life. For a long time, I was a slave to my emotions. It almost destroyed me not being able to feel free to trust my inner motivations. It took a long time, a lot of work and struggle to get to the point where I could trust myself. Now I am free, there is very little in this world I fear anymore. I do not live in fear of the future or much else because I have made my way through so much that I have the confidence, the skills and the fortitude to handle almost anything. But for years I hid from myself. It was not until I finally got fed up and crawled into my own head that these feelings of dread started to ease themselves. It was anger and frustration that gave me the strength the confront my inner demons. I was mad at the world, so I decided to change the one thing that I truly had control over, myself. When I got inside my head and really started looking around in there, I was really surprised at what I found. My fear came from doubt, my doubt came from letting other people’s opinions, bias and judgement control who I thought I was. I couldn’t trust myself because for one I had no idea who I was and two I was letting other people control who I thought I was. Why would I let other people who had no idea who I was define who I was? Why would I give anyone that kind of power? So, I took that power away from them, it was at that point I realized it was up to me to define who I really was. I feared myself and my own motivations because I had no idea what the real me was like. I had this false impression of myself, a specter created by other people’s assumptions and judgment. At that moment, I stopped letting people have that kind of power over me, I stopped caring what other people thought about me and things started to change. All the things a hated about myself were not generated by my own hate or any real flaw in myself, but the projected hatred and judgment of others. When I started to really get to know myself, I found somebody I really liked, someone worth trusting and listening to. All the traits that I had always admired in others I found I personally possessed. I was just so wrapped up with my false self that I failed to notice them. Once I broke that shell, that unfounded perception of myself, I started to realize the great injustice I had been doing to myself all those years. I was a great person, kind, compassionate, caring worthy of the respect and dignity I had always afforded others. The doubt and fear started to vanish. I found that I had more and more control over the thoughts and emotions that had plagued me all those years. I could trust myself; I could count on me being able to make decisions that were correct for me, and if I made a mistake, I had no problem forgiving myself, learning from it and moving on. As the fear and doubt melted away, I found myself being successful with things I had never been able to do before. I could keep my emotions in check, work through problems and issues in a way I have not been able to do. It was learning to truly love myself that conquered that fear that had been driving my life down for so many years. Finally, being able to see the real me for the great person I am. It has done nothing but propel me forward from the life that had been circling the drain. I fear little anymore. I know after everything I’ve been through that my faith in myself will be able to push me onward past any challenges that life can throw at me. I used to not be able to stand being in my own head, now I kind of like it in there. I’m not perfect. I still have plenty of issues, but I can work on those because I can see them. You can’t fix a problem if you can’t see it in the first place. I own my life the good and the bad and I take responsibly for my actions. I am responsible for my own happiness. Being able to take an honest look at yourself does wonders. I oversee my own behavior; I will never again blame anybody else for the things I do or feel. I am no longer afraid to just be me, the real me. Overcoming the fear of myself was one of the greatest battles I have ever fought, but it was worth it. Really getting to know myself and destroying the pointless doubt changed my life. I tell you this not because I’m trying to brag or convince anyone how great I am, I tell you this because if I can do it so can you. It’s not easy and it does not happen over night but overcoming your self fear opens a whole new world of possibilities and experiences. The path is going to be different for everyone, you must take the time to learn how to change yourself from within. Unfortunately, no one can tell you exactly how to do that, you must discover that on your own, but it’s something worth taking the time to find. Be mindful, gather tools, inspiration and knowledge that will aid you in this endeavor. Try different things and see what can work for you. All your self work and effort will pay off if you’re just willing to do it. So, learn to love yourself, trust yourself, forgive yourself in any way you can, conquer that fear and doubt and life becomes a much greater place. Never let fear hold you back from the life you deserve or who you truly are.
