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A model's story
Looking at my reflection from the standing mirror, I could not but appreciate how beautiful I am, my dimpled smile, my broad nose, my short kinky hair and my skin tone, even though I could see some wrinkles there and there, and stress marks under my arms, my stomach and behind my thighs, not to mention, the hairs growing on my legs, but they didn't matter anymore. Before now, whatever I saw in the mirror was disgusting. I had people fill my head with lies. Lies of how ugly I am, or how terrible my body look, or how I could transform myself with chemicals and plastic surgeries. I was almost at the edge of giving up and saying goodbye to my complicated life.
Keeping up with the kardashians, I was aware of how fake I would be trying to imitate the celebrities I grew up to admire. I knew I was never going to find that satisfaction I was aiming for even though I might have deceived lot of people with what I claimed to have achieved in the past, I was equally aware that the end result of my actions could only lead to depression and bitterness or maybe even a suicidal action.Then...just then, I woke up to the reality that, I didn't need those people in my life, and accepted the calm voice which told me "I am my life's model". Only then, did I believe that I am the person I wanted to be, I am the person I wanted to love, I am the person I wanted to improve, I am the person I wanted to grow, I am the person I wanted to look up to each day and I am the model i wanted to become.
Then, I saw Joy hidden behind my tears, I saw courage hidden behind my fears..I saw smile behind my anger, I saw my confidence in my imperfect body. I wondered why I had wasted so many years hating and wishing for what will never be mine. I felt guilty within me and went on bended knees to my Creator. I made a vow right there to love me for me and to love me for being me, not those celebrities I once wanted to be like.
Now, I ask myself: what's the point of having a model, who cannot add an inch to my life, except me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying having a role model is a crime, but having a role model who make me think less of me and cause me more harm than good, is discriminating. Until now, I woke up to the reality that, I would rather make God and myself my role models than have the worst happen to me.
#diaryofanigeriangirl
© Nma Elinwa
Keeping up with the kardashians, I was aware of how fake I would be trying to imitate the celebrities I grew up to admire. I knew I was never going to find that satisfaction I was aiming for even though I might have deceived lot of people with what I claimed to have achieved in the past, I was equally aware that the end result of my actions could only lead to depression and bitterness or maybe even a suicidal action.Then...just then, I woke up to the reality that, I didn't need those people in my life, and accepted the calm voice which told me "I am my life's model". Only then, did I believe that I am the person I wanted to be, I am the person I wanted to love, I am the person I wanted to improve, I am the person I wanted to grow, I am the person I wanted to look up to each day and I am the model i wanted to become.
Then, I saw Joy hidden behind my tears, I saw courage hidden behind my fears..I saw smile behind my anger, I saw my confidence in my imperfect body. I wondered why I had wasted so many years hating and wishing for what will never be mine. I felt guilty within me and went on bended knees to my Creator. I made a vow right there to love me for me and to love me for being me, not those celebrities I once wanted to be like.
Now, I ask myself: what's the point of having a model, who cannot add an inch to my life, except me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying having a role model is a crime, but having a role model who make me think less of me and cause me more harm than good, is discriminating. Until now, I woke up to the reality that, I would rather make God and myself my role models than have the worst happen to me.
#diaryofanigeriangirl
© Nma Elinwa
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