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Dear body
Letter from my Personal Diary.
I have so much to say to thank you for being by my side. Our relationship for a long time was nebulous, intangible. Something was wrong, which eluded us. We grew up under the insidious hold of an alienating mother who has made me her psychological slave, the one who should not make her lose face, her most flattering and reassuring mirror. Her idole, although she was incapable of lavishing the slightest tenderness.
We lived with an invisible camera constantly focused on us, intrusive and judging. Privacy was prohibite, I kept my sufferings inside you. I could not live in you. You were an occupied land, occupied by this other too, the one who stole my dignity and my innocence. When I fled from this incestuous home that you were, I finally allowed you to express yourself.
But you still retained an indefinible suffering. You kept me from living, you gained twenty five kilos of bulimia then I wanted you relieve by thinking that being sickly skinny would lighten the burden of my conscience. I did not want you anymore until the day when I realized recently that you reflected my damaged soul. And you have become the breadcrum of my story.
You fidget and curl up at night. You shelter a concrete cover in the heart of the belly, a muted and constant terror. When you swell or become so painful that I feel my ribs sink into my mattress at night, I know that an emotional storm is coming. Sometimes you don't want to move any more then I slow down and I start to take care of you, of us. I meditate daily to keep in touch with you. And for some time now, you've been instinctively guiding me, calming yourself down and letting me get closer to you. I put some air in your head, in each of your cells. I let the tears come out and slowly you untie yourself. I take place in your carnal envelope and always advance further in your depths.
I discover that you harbor a movement of life which takes me in its swirling round. An unsuspected and wonderful treasure...
© Birdy'
I have so much to say to thank you for being by my side. Our relationship for a long time was nebulous, intangible. Something was wrong, which eluded us. We grew up under the insidious hold of an alienating mother who has made me her psychological slave, the one who should not make her lose face, her most flattering and reassuring mirror. Her idole, although she was incapable of lavishing the slightest tenderness.
We lived with an invisible camera constantly focused on us, intrusive and judging. Privacy was prohibite, I kept my sufferings inside you. I could not live in you. You were an occupied land, occupied by this other too, the one who stole my dignity and my innocence. When I fled from this incestuous home that you were, I finally allowed you to express yourself.
But you still retained an indefinible suffering. You kept me from living, you gained twenty five kilos of bulimia then I wanted you relieve by thinking that being sickly skinny would lighten the burden of my conscience. I did not want you anymore until the day when I realized recently that you reflected my damaged soul. And you have become the breadcrum of my story.
You fidget and curl up at night. You shelter a concrete cover in the heart of the belly, a muted and constant terror. When you swell or become so painful that I feel my ribs sink into my mattress at night, I know that an emotional storm is coming. Sometimes you don't want to move any more then I slow down and I start to take care of you, of us. I meditate daily to keep in touch with you. And for some time now, you've been instinctively guiding me, calming yourself down and letting me get closer to you. I put some air in your head, in each of your cells. I let the tears come out and slowly you untie yourself. I take place in your carnal envelope and always advance further in your depths.
I discover that you harbor a movement of life which takes me in its swirling round. An unsuspected and wonderful treasure...
© Birdy'
