"Tennu takeya hosh hi bhul gayi
Garm garm chaa hath te dul gayi
Hath te dul gayi chaa sajna
Aisi teri nigaah sajna
Jaandi jaandi dasdi jaa tu
Dil de vich ki tere
Dil de vich ki tere"

My cheeks turned the color of the morning sky when I saw you looking at me the way I wanted you to. I was afraid, my heart was racing in a competition unknown and I wanted to run far away from this butterflies in my stomach

"Main suneya uchiyan deewara rakhiyan
Ni tu dil de chaar chufere
Naale saambh ke rakhde ae
Koi dil ch na laa le dere
Main suneya pehlaan vi dil tuteya
Dil tuteya tera ik waari
Taanhi dil di deewaraan te
Tu ik na banaai baari"

I have understood this the hard way but love isn't just the smile of your lover or dropping things when he looks at you. Love is the glimmer of the lantern which attracts our fireflies heart and then all that is left behind is ashes. First love is like falling off the stairs after which you become careful even while taking a single step. I have built walls around this fragile heart of mine and the boundary wall is covered with stones that no one has any desire to cross.

"Mera bhi dil udna chaahe
Par main darni aa
Main udaa te
Main hawawa naale ladni aa
Khwaab apne apni akhiyaan vich sambhale main
Aise layi te dil te apne laale taal main"

If silence had a voice it would have been the whispers of air running through the holes of my heart which were in pieces when he walked away. Yesterday (Read: Before he came into my life) I was among the clouds soaring high but I am terrified thinking how I would handle the downfall again. You know first times are easy as you are naive and you don’t have choices to select from but now I don’t know whether I should pick the pieces first or cry my heart out on a dark night. Maybe I should scream and just shut all the doors but it wasn’t a wise option. Therefore I collect all the dreams and shut them in my eyes covering it all with a sly smile because vulnerability is dangerous.

“Tere layi te saari duniya naal lad laange
Tu jiye te teri aayi aap mar laange”

He smiles at me and tells me that no one has made sense to him as much as I did and no matter how hard I try, he won’t be fooled. He talks about love without being obvious of what he has to offer. He walks me home and we stop at this tapri which I love. I am still reminiscing about how he saved my hand from the hot cup of tea I dropped while listening to him talk today.


© Aarti