LOVING BLINDNESS
09/22/2018

How...
did I lose sight of who you truly are
reeling in a closeness
never seemed so far

how can I walk away
when you know just how to need me
but as soon as I'm there for you
it becomes so deep

you're everything
I see and believe in...
you were the one
who rescued me
from being with Steven
though this whole time of loving you
left me stranded
heart screaming
I ask you to stay and you pretend you can't go
you've only ever truly been held back from leaving

I fucking told you the doors wide open
Here, I packed your bags for you
I'll give you a ride out of here
if you really need it

an attitude I've kept out of respect
but my fucking God
could you just once go peacefully
instead of this torturous way
you have of leaving me bleeding

begging on my knees
And endless sorry's

how am I the one who is pleading

who would have thought your charm
could have been so deceiving
and you're protective demeanor
was only misleading
loving you so much
almost stops my heart from beating

and these are only some of the words
that are better off for me to be keeping
each day you gloat around silently
all of the havoc that you are wreaking

and killing me slowly
is your idea of succeeding
the severity of your treatment
is the best part in defeating

someone please pinch me now
or tell me I'm dreaming
tell me you are only from a nightmare
more like my beloved demon

how did I fall so hard
to being your victim

there's a light inside of me that's no longer gleaming

here i ly weak on the floor
and yet that doesn't stop you from beating
I'm throwing up the white flag
and surrendering to you completely

like always you win
victor to my freedom

I don't understand why you think you need it
all this time
here I am trying to keep you from leaving
even though you literally have done and said so much
what hurts the most is deep in my heart I know those are
the feelings

you pretend you don't mean

make it out to be like you had every right to be like that
to you it seems
like it isn't really much of anything
you said sorry now
and I should be more forgiving
as much as I try to prove my point that I'm hurt
I always find myself caving to your wishes
giving you whatever you please
I really wish I hadn't been so desperate for safety
and so naive
why do you have to make shit
so complicating

is this it
what love truly means

I guess what I'm getting at here babe
without excuse
I'd like a real explanation
not just your typical
I don't knows and sorry's

no, if you insist that you care at all about us
from the depths of your soul
enlighten me please

it's no wonder I developed questions of skepticism
who can really tell the difference
between a truth or if you're lying
I want to hear it all from an honest heart
that is far from denying

please
I'm begging you now
I think I am falling closer to giving up
and no longer trying

if there was any argument I'd love to have with you
this of all battles
is probably the most important one
for you to even be fighting

@myrebeldiaries


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