I bite my tongue and I do not speak for days,
my body suffers from the lack of touch until I reach for my skin to feel something.
like when they say I'm falling off the edge
I’m not the leg slipping or the body falling
I’m the cliff.
some days I tend to my wounds and other days I wish to be anything but a bandage.
It’s been 8 years since I last found somebody worth ruining myself for that didn't seek to actually ruin me,
I'm a collection of miserable stories
and my favorite is the time I thought a man could be built from consistent apologies,
If you say sorry enough, a man would eat your eye balls and say he forgives you for seeing.
So I get cruel
I craft ways to trick people into thinking I'm worth ruining,
At least that way it will be me asking for destruction
that way nobody is the predator and I'm not the lost little girl who knows nothing about worthiness or receiving.
In this poem
Medusa looks into the mirror and turns herself into a statue,
Self demolition is some form of gentleness
some graceful act to save everyone but yourself.
You the arsonist
you the burning house
you the fire truck that never shows up,
you who purposely gives up on saving yourself.

© Hope