Every time I step through the threshold of the “humble abode” that was once a home, now hell
I feel caged my ribcage is caving in please come save me
I find no refuge or safety in this household wannabe
I have no family only my father keeps my sanity
My mother is a narcissist and my sister doesn’t want me
I have trouble opening up, I wonder who’s fault that might be
But go ahead, please blame me

Imagine rapunzel stuck in her tower but for 20 grueling years
When I grew to have a voice, eyes, and ears
a conscious is when I began crying the most tears
Crying from trauma
Crying from pain
Crying for being convinced that there’s something wrong in my brain
I sabotage my happiness and come off insane
Because I don’t know what’s real, what’s fake, what’s tame

I’m constantly anxious and standing on my toes
How many more scars before someone knows
That I’m still hurting
Still harming
All because of the woman who birthed me
As if I asked to be here, I only asked to be clear

To be cleared to speak my mind
To be cleared to feel
To be cleared to let my guard down when it’s just family near
But instead I suffer in silence and sometimes little outbursts
I’m sorry to those I hurt, it’s only because someone else hurt me first

I didn’t know any better
All I know is chaos
So when something feels too good to be true
I unintentionally cause corruption
An eruption
Disruption
This feeling in my chest tells me I must cause destruction
Because if it feels to real and nothings going wrong
Then why couldn’t I have that all along?

I’m angry and tired and full of woe
My chest hurts from emotions that build, numb, and go
So I’ll put on a smile and say that’s it’s fine
Just don’t look to closely, I’m lying behind my eyes.

© thecryingchild