I guess I was a bad friend, huh?
A terrible lover?
toxic?
So it's my fault?
You were everything to me.
And I mean EVERYTHING.
I felt like I wouldn't be able to breathe without you by my side.
Than you tell me you never loved me,
left me and acted like it was nothing.
And now you wanna say you're mad at me because apparently I was YOUR everything?
It didn't feel that way.
not when you texted me to say, "I don't have feelings for you. I never did. That's fine, right? No hard feelings."
Yeah. No big deal.
No suicidal tendencies and months of fucking therapy to undo what you did to me.
No big deal.
No scars on my legs and wishes that I could just slip into a coma.
You were fine.
You never told me you were upset with me.
You never said you had any issues.
I told you if I was ever doing anything wrong you can TELL ME.
Even when we broke up and we were just friends you NEVER said you were upset with me or the ways that I "handled things"
Now you don't even wanna talk to me.
You won't even tell me what I did wrong.
I gotta hear it from a third party.
And you say YOU'RE struggling to cope with ME?
You accuse me of so many things
You blame me for everything.
I was just like you though.
A kid who learned too much too fast and was trying their best to make it in the harshness of the world.
But no. No. It's fine. Whatever works for YOU and whatever makes YOU happy.
You can do whatever YOU want.
I don't care.
I didn't care if it hurt me.
Didn't care if I cried or bled or died.
As long as you were happy, that was good enough for me.
But I digress.
It's all MY fault.
It's my fault I have anxiety and I'm agoraphobic and it's hard for me to make plans and go out with all the stress of making it work.
It's my fault you never once told me you had any issues or concerns whatsoever, even when I would ask because I wanted to make sure I was being the best I could for you.
It's my fault that I'm poor and I just can't afford to go out all the time and buy you dinner and activities.
It's my fault that I would buy things for you anyways, and when I couldn't I would give you something of my own or make something I poured my heart into.
It's my fault you wanted me to act like our breakup was no biggie and I had to pretend I wasn't torn appart when we we're doing things together as friends.
It's my fault those 4 years meant nothing to you besides how upset you are at me for reasons you hide from me.
I make you uncomfortable?
How would you feel if I told you that nowadays I'm afraid to be next to you?
You're sad, mad, and upset but you can't say it to my face or even text me or write me. It HAS to be a confrontation.
I have to start this conversation when YOU KNOW god damn well I DON'T DO confrontation.
You know exactly why.
You know my history.
And now after spending our whole lives together you can't even fucking talk to me?
No hard feelings, my ass.
How I'm I supposed to explain myself If you refuse to tell me what the problems are?
How can I be expected to be what you want when you tell me there's nothing you want me to change?

"Whatever works for you.
As long as you're happy I don't care what happens to me."

I'll never fucking say that again in my life. I DO care. I care if I become a scapegoat to blame all your problems on and refuse to give me any chance at all to fix what's wrong because you told me "nothing's wrong" and you STILL won't tell me. I'm open to talk about anything and everything and I'll answer all your questions and I never once got mad at you but you still can't find it in yourself to have a human conversation with me to work things out?
I'm done with this third party shit.
Why does that bitch have to be all up in my personal buisness?
Why do you gotta be making accusations to people behind my back and spilling my private issues like it's your own fucking business?
I didn't tell you that stuff for shits and giggles. I talked honestly to you because I TRUSTED YOU with my personal business.
Now look at you giving it out like it's a free sample at a grocery store or some shit.
You know what?
Maybe I DON'T WANNA be your freind anymore.
Maybe I'm happier when I avoid you.
Maybe I've been happier WITHOUT you in my life.
Maybe I've been HEALTHIER.
You know what?
My life used to revolve around you. You used to be my fucking world.
I uses to HATE ANYONE who DARED cross you.
Not anymore.
No.
Fuck you.