The man of a thousand sneezes
makes many a peculiar sound.
Never the same are any of these
as some rumble the very ground
like elephants on parade.
Some are but a mousy peep,
a squeak that’s barely made.

Some blare as a car’s boisterous beep
and fill the streets with noise.
Some clash and clang like a cymbal
struck by vintage monkey toys.
Some must surely not be real
for they are by far just too absurd—
to catch the sneeze of a unicorn
is much more plausible, I’ve heard.

Some feel as calm as before a storm,
an eeriness brewed for hours—
then once it seems to disappear,
thunder booms to beckon showers.
A drifting balloon that pops too near
to the ear that it makes it ring.
A horde of cackling hyenas,
a cuckoo that can’t sing.

A quake with the force to dwarf arenas,
crumble walls and make steel bend.
A bang to shake the dead awake
and bring about the whole world’s end.
The fate of humanity could be at stake
when he gives his nose a squeeze—
the man who, for once, tries to hold it in
may destroy the universe with just a sneeze.

© Joseph Chin
#humour #humor