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Why Papa?
I've tried to look beyond those steel rimmed glasses
Hoping to find a window to your soul
I've tried to breach the iron countenance
That you so religiously maintain
But I've failed time and again
I've tried to tell you how I feel
But you never ask me.
Why don't you ask me how I feel papa?
Are you aware of what crosses my mind
Or are you waiting for an obscure sign?
To help me out of this murky madness
That is life
Say something, papa!
Why don't you say something?
You talk a tad less I know
But there has to be something that could show
That you truly care.
I know you care about me papa
But your silent disposition
Gives me an ominous premonition
The way you choose- not words
But silence
To fill the oceans of emptiness between us.
And when at nightfall
The demons come dancing
From under the bed
I wrap the sheets around me
Tight with dread
Until my knuckles are drained of blood
While my eyes continue to flood
And my throat is parched with the screaming.
You appear out of nowhere-
my guardian angel
To tell me that monsters aren't real
I wish you stay a little longer
Pat my back and ask me to be stronger
But my guardian angel won't talk to me.
Talk to me, papa
The way you talk about the waves
Crashing on a shore two miles away
But you turn deaf
To my wailing heart
That stands
Just two feet apart.
Why don't you smile more often, papa?
Am I the reason for you sorrow
That'll last till the 'tomorrow'
That never comes?
God knows what's wrong with me!
You've always been there
Be it the teachers' meet, the dinner table or the cultural fest
Albeit you know, without the zest
You've been there all along
But not really.
Because to me
Your absence and presence are synonymous
My emotions, to you stay anonymous
Because I miss a version of you
That exists only in my head
Oh how do I not hate myself
For being able to hate you!
So forgive me, papa
For nitpicking your flaws
For imagining, fantasising
And constantly agonising
You about something that isn't
As big a deal
Your mindful imitation
Of a perfect father
has lived up
To society's expectation.
Papa, please try to understand
Don't get angry with me
Don't be mad
Just quit being a father
And for once,
Be my dad.
© SumbulMoin
Hoping to find a window to your soul
I've tried to breach the iron countenance
That you so religiously maintain
But I've failed time and again
I've tried to tell you how I feel
But you never ask me.
Why don't you ask me how I feel papa?
Are you aware of what crosses my mind
Or are you waiting for an obscure sign?
To help me out of this murky madness
That is life
Say something, papa!
Why don't you say something?
You talk a tad less I know
But there has to be something that could show
That you truly care.
I know you care about me papa
But your silent disposition
Gives me an ominous premonition
The way you choose- not words
But silence
To fill the oceans of emptiness between us.
And when at nightfall
The demons come dancing
From under the bed
I wrap the sheets around me
Tight with dread
Until my knuckles are drained of blood
While my eyes continue to flood
And my throat is parched with the screaming.
You appear out of nowhere-
my guardian angel
To tell me that monsters aren't real
I wish you stay a little longer
Pat my back and ask me to be stronger
But my guardian angel won't talk to me.
Talk to me, papa
The way you talk about the waves
Crashing on a shore two miles away
But you turn deaf
To my wailing heart
That stands
Just two feet apart.
Why don't you smile more often, papa?
Am I the reason for you sorrow
That'll last till the 'tomorrow'
That never comes?
God knows what's wrong with me!
You've always been there
Be it the teachers' meet, the dinner table or the cultural fest
Albeit you know, without the zest
You've been there all along
But not really.
Because to me
Your absence and presence are synonymous
My emotions, to you stay anonymous
Because I miss a version of you
That exists only in my head
Oh how do I not hate myself
For being able to hate you!
So forgive me, papa
For nitpicking your flaws
For imagining, fantasising
And constantly agonising
You about something that isn't
As big a deal
Your mindful imitation
Of a perfect father
has lived up
To society's expectation.
Papa, please try to understand
Don't get angry with me
Don't be mad
Just quit being a father
And for once,
Be my dad.
© SumbulMoin
