Once again my mind is broken,
The bright happy memories of last summer that I thought were so strong and immortal,
Are now distant and clouded,
It seems like the the vivid colours of happiness and peace have faded and fractured,
Just like autumn leaves that turn-the colour is erased like it never existed,
Nothing looks as bright or warm or inviting,
Washed in sepia tone it sure is drab and more foreboding,
I'm a prozac nation mess,
All my dreams, aspirations, I wanted to succeed yet now I can't even comprehend or address.
The days where the anxiety leaves me ill at ease - like a heart attack in waiting, dread is the all-time mood,
God when I think I had such strength once, I was filled with fortitude,
It's so ever obvious I'm not coping,
The things no one can ease are the psychotic visions, the anguish, the day in and out reality,
I am trauma, I am sick, I am self loathing,
I'm a cursed mess, I'm a misfit, I am always holding a clenched fist,
I can't stop wanting to press harder and my fingers scratch at my wrist,
The seroquel leaves me feeling dazed and irritable,
I take so many pills I'm toxic and destroy this mortal vessel,
The vigour and energy I had just seems to dissipate,
Like my low self esteem, God I wish I was through with all the self hate!
© Rachel L Kenny