not quite the West-Side Story Señiorita
she probably hoped to be, ah
once her pupils scanned the vertical
mocha velvet surface of each in² of my
mother’s largest organ —
all of maria’s inner demons, angst
and insecurities began to project toward
my sister’s intentions

year by year, she’s never once managed
to learn the art of silencing the projections
spewed, from her high pitched yap

pretending to be a hero, all the while —
simultaneously enabling the habits of
your husband, son and painting bad
pictures of your daughters?
preaching shelly copies everything i do —
“she wants to be you”
as we barely exchanged the same air?
she wants my skin,
how i look,
the perception of me she painted
inside of her delusions

did your youngest really owe you rent,
while you pay for your son’s lawn and pest maintenance —
was that a hushed love-bomb exchange
his identity, paying the debts of your
fried husbands infidelities?

a million dollar bill covered by insurance,
on top of state rebate checks for
covid financial reassurance,
how does someone build 60k debt,
then project i’m manic for ever
speaking up on enabling bad habits toward it
two fifty a month rent —
only after i refused to stay up
twenty four hours to be free daycare’s shift
neglecting my debts and paying for my
sister and brother in law’s financially
illiterate secrets?

to you.. if i wasn’t benefitting
“your son, your sweet son”
i’m subhuman?
having to listen to you verbally abuse
any female you created behind their back
was supposed to be our form of ‘love’,
huh.. wild way to trauma bond someone
to your misery rich made up mind segments


© a.Soul

_____

#flower #life #lessons #mother #narcissist