#writcoapp #writer

Congratulations are in order today,
Oh? You have not heard? I finally managed to push every human being that tried to love me away,
I successfully broke not just a tender caring heart,
I also destroyed hopes and dreams as my glass castle came crashing down hard,
Depression won and isolated me for months on end every day,
The voices in my head finally convinced me that I am not enough or worthy for anyone to stay

I became distant and quiet, I can not remember the last time I heard myself speak,
I skipped meals and lost weight, I became weak,
I tried fighting a war against my worst enemy,
That ofcourse is me...
I cried so many nights, overthinking and depriving myself of sleep,
But I was just to broken, the scars were too deep,
I hate that I gave up on the person that loved me for me,
I hate that I am crying so hard right now,
I can't even see

I loathe myself for not being able to just allow love to set me free,
I hate myself alittle more every second that I am me,
This time my mental health, my trauma, every broken and shattered part of who I am finally pushed me over the edge,
I tried so hard to grab on to that little piece of ledge,
But my hand kept slipping and the darkness folded over me,
Before I knew it, I was engulfed in a world of negativity

I screamed and cried at the top of my lungs so someone would hear,
Help me! I am sabotaging everything because of fear!!
But not a sound came from my mouth and nobody heard me scream,
Stuck in this hellish nightmare that was once my dream,
I see him crying, his anger, his pain and the hate he has for me,
I can't blame him, I too hate what I came to be

I broke my own heart for the last time today,
I broke his heart too in the most horrible way,
I shattered his hopes and dreams with pain,
Congratulations to the chemical imbalance in my brain,
I hope at some point in life, he forgives me,
And somewhere deep inside he knows that
I love him still even when I hate the monster I came to be.
© Lolla Smith