loneliness like
someone’s scooping out my insides.
loneliness I haven’t felt
since I was a child.
loneliness like my organs in a bowl
on the table next to me.
like frozen fingers falling off in the cold
like itches scratched to the bone
with already bloody nails.
more than anything else,
embarrassing.

loneliness like
no one asking after me.
it’s different than being alone on the planet, no
there’s people everywhere,
but they have nothing to do with me.
an astronaut on earth makes no sense.
an astronaut on earth is separated from everything.
you can’t see my face, can know me, can’t touch me.
something in the air? what would I know of that?
I’m in my own little filtered world.

but at the same time:
get over it kid. you’re an adult now.
you’re not the only one who
collects and counts and praises little miseries
like beads on a rosary. far from it.
you’re lucky actually, so act like it.
you’re not a planet or an atom
just cause you’re cold and rocky
and there but also not.
you’re not the only one.
you can get over it,
move out,
move on.

an astronaut...