Most people bash internet dating
It sure as shit beats masturbating
How else do you find the crazy chicks?
And order up some fresh pussy quick?

There I go, making dumb jokes again
I’m too confident with ballpoint pens
‘Cause most women don’t even say hi
My matches are all based in Shanghai!

I shouldn’t have downloaded the app
As now I feel worse than fucking crap
I guess I’ve gotta make much more bank
To even score a date with a skank!

300 pounds? Ha, No fucking thanks!
I’d rather go back to having wanks
I open with jokes, but they don’t land
I drown quick in this tricky quicksand

I finally...