When I was younger I wanted to be older 
But now that I'm older I want to be nothing 
I mean, I used to want to be young
I thought it was fun 
I thought it was carefree 
But I wasn't happy then and I'm nowhere near estatic now 
"Living is hard," I had explained to you with a frown 
There are so many things to do 
A never ending checklist that keeps getting longer 
And then I feel myself getting weak 
It's been a week since I've wanted to leave my bed 
Thoughts of the universe sitting in my head 
I just want to not exist 
I think it would be bliss 
To not be see or do much of anything really 
As teenagers we laugh and joke about ending it all when something didn't go our way 
I did the same, until I had one too many bad days
I had wrote to you in a letter
"I mean it this time I'm not being silly I don't want to breathe I don't want to be
Existing was nice for awhile but I think it is just too hard for me"
They say God doesn't give more than you ca handle 
But I feel that weight of his rocks are devastating 
Yet there is still so much more that he asks of me.
© notfortress