Wide awake with my heart racing
Paranoia is spreading outside my brain

What am I doing? Barely go outside
Going out of my bedroom can be too scary
Panic thinking nearby cars are cops
Coming to search my house with dogs
I rarely eat more than a meal

I make a lot of plans to be more healthy
It's always a waste, I know it too
I will never consistently reach any goal
My life has become misery with short durations where I feel some pleasure

My social life has nearly ended
I rarely get texts from the best of friends
I was spending a lot of time with my parents
Now I avoid them very often

My nose is destroyed, maybe more than my mind
I just make both worse just killing time
Killing time is all I do now
This is a life I never thought I'd live

I was in the mountains yesterday
After a night I didn't sleep
Haven't felt that happy in a long long time
As I felt while on the summit
Driving home I wondered if my parents would outlive me

Things are not going well in any way
I should be eating 3K calories per day
In reality I'm lucky if I eat 2 meals
I should probably quit the bad habits soon
I know I probably won't, I lack self control
© speed