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A Good Girl's Guide to Being a Homewrecker
Demand a seat at the table; beside him,

And across from your counterpart.

Never accept less.

Don't steal glances.

Steal focus.

Steal his heart.

Steal him.

Wait to psych them out; for the eye contact to break.

Then, slip under the table.

Do that thing with your tongue he likes.

Look up at him with puppy dog eyes.

Tell him you love him.

Be his good girl.

Make him glad you came.

Make him glad he came.

Then, when he asks them to leave,

Take your seat at the head of the table.

Feel the bruises on your knees when he asks you to cross your legs -- eggplant-colored.

Hold his hand.

Eat, bitch.

And always be terrified to look under the table.