I spent years of my life
staring at my body
in the mirror.

My tight-fitted black leotard
with pink colored tights
around my chubby stomach and legs
pointing out to me I should lose weight.

Surrounded by me were white girls
who were skinny and tall
and I was the only mixed one in the class
who was short and thicker than them.

They had thigh gaps between their legs,
perfect posture, spot on dance moves.
They all could grand jeté and plié
way better than I ever did.

I felt so insecure about everything
I knew I didn’t belong
I had eyes all on me
that were staring
and not in a good way.

I tried my hardest in my classes,
did my best in the recitals
I knew no one was looking at me
except for my family

I hated being on stage
because I knew everyone else
looked more exciting to look at
than me.

Deep down I knew I was a bad dancer
and everyone who said I was good
should have just told me the truth.

© eyesthatcry