I'm still alive, depending on the definition.
Yeah I'm still breathing, but that's not my decision.
For every accomplishment I make, two failures take its place.
I'm tired of this life, tired of this way of living, tired of always hiding my face.
I'm in a dark place, constantly my heart aches, don't know how much more I can take.
The more I try, the worse it gets, I feel myself starting to break.
And if I'm not mistaken,
Something tells me I am forsaken.
So much for footprints in the sand, just strike me down right where I stand.
Everything good leaves my life. Only hardship and despair can stay.
I used to be successful, but they took it all away.
I'm living life on my knees,
Ever since I caught these felonies.
Now I can't ever get a good Job, they want it that way, I swear.
Can't be here, can't rent anywhere, definitely can't work over there.
I've got no one but myself,
Nobody else seems to care.
And it's apparent. My family disowned me, I'm estranged from my parents.
I just hope this curse is not inherent, because nobody should have to bear it.
I've had it ever since my dad died. It's followed me my whole life.
Done everything I can to make it go away. But I fear it is here to stay.
I'm running out of places to go, places to hide, wish I could just pass away.
And leave this cold world behind. I think I'm loosing my mind.
Can't get help from any place, I've tried time after time after time.
Guess this cross to bear is mine, I carry this burden on my shoulders.
And even though I am a soldier, I'm getting tired, I'm getting older.
Every year I live on this earth, life gets colder.
I was once full of drive, purpose and desire. I no longer possess the fire.
I'm living in the dark,
Sleeping in the park, situation is dire.
Surrounded by thieves and liars. Donned in filthy attire. Nothing left of me to admire.
Might as well get higher, can't seem to get hired.
Think I'll just get wired, escape reality today.
I don't expect anything else to go my way.
I'm working on a plan,
When I'm done I'm leaving.
Been researching the best way to stop breathing.
It's not like anyone cares, no one will be grieving.
So I'll just say goodbye, don't try and stop me I'm leaving.
I hear hell is horrible this time of year.
Still it's probably better than it is up here.
At least I'll know what to expect.
I'm used to suffering anyway.
I've got no reason to stay.
And that's all I have to say.

© James L. Babcock Jr.