it's something to think about now yet if you were only close to your death bed you would then see how it could truely feel . closed up from once again a broken heart . loss of affection and not really knowing or being showed unconditional love. always been lost from every true feeling I wished I could of grew up and understood but as the days went by I finally realized it was always just gonna be me . and hope one day yall or he would see that I tried and cried because no matter how hard I tried feeling nothing but misery to lift everything that broke me I'm so week every day I feel the pain . of this tradgety yet but it really didn't seem different to me cause of what I'm used to having . .. nobody. myself abused and mistreated left for dead and to rot in the hell that I was saddly not even barely welcomed in. judge me just do it . at least I know where my heart is even if it was for another human being of what I even know how .to show that how I would've believed it should've been for me. knowing that nothing will ever change and the world keeps spinning and I'm still tearing down what's left of the tent I'm about to have to sleep in. but I grow to know.its better to not let nobody know what I have to deal with .. I guess it seems that I'm to week to prove myself to someone else for them to even put forth effort even if it was my own true blood of what I even thought I had but then everything just changed.. right in the front of my own eyes. . no tears but left feeling crushed and I guess I'll just never be good enough until I'm finally gone. in the end I'll be gone I wouldnt even be able to show or think of what they really truely thought but I figured I'd be right the whole time knowing there nothing but hypacryts wishing they regret everything they ever said or done. go back in time and let em realize that I was there last baby that they created. guess it was easier to just bear me and walk away with not a single fuck given for me removed and nastily mentally drawn to everything that could be bad but y'all expected me to be nothing broke me all the way down to my seams . I'm gone. I pull the plug no more broken dreams no matter how hard I dreamed of even being close to being part of anybody or anything . and once again and after I think could be about more than 200 times or more . even after the distriughtness I inhaled and learn to live with. knowing what I'm truely wirth after being treated theyl way I was treated. by everyone around nobody or nothing proved me wrong. how did death be the one to carry me on and out if the world that turned full of saddness and close to really nothing that I guess wasn't even important in the end. . . I learn not to expect anything besides what divided us to be. who we were really meant to be even tho I hear all the shit talking still as I was going into my future destiny in the ground. once again nothing new. I'd still be alone . .
like I said to myself but who cares right all I write is just words. but I never lied at all how true I was to myself. going mentally saddddd. but I still got myself. underneath if my own tomb as I drift underworld alone.