I feel numb as I'm lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling fan which is in constant rotation, making it seem like it's my personal hypnotist putting me to sleep. But despite this, I'm wide awake with tears pouring down my eyes and falling onto my pillow.

Although I do feel numb from all the crying, I can't ignore the deep anguish 1 feel within me. This unseen ache to the naked eye shows the true beauty behind it. The beauty being a secret, a secret that's just between me and my mind unless I intend to share the burdens of it with someone. For now, I'd like to keep to myself since these feelings are turning into an addiction.

Pain is what I describe to be this invisible and an addictive force that I hold within me. An immeasurable emotional torment making my heart bleed out, causing an inner turmoil which nobody's aware of except for me and that's the beauty behind it! It's all mine ... Because he never was. These memories of him are the only thing which makes me feel like I'm holding onto dear life and I don't want to let go, not yet! At least not yet ...

© Shania(shazeel)