They started talking
while I am making my whole effort
to just even introduce .
They says , what's wrong ?Very quiet? Bored?
And I smile and whisper, no.
Never know ,if they can understand
if they can withstand the pain
i go through.
My mind repeated same lines thousands times to just say ,hi.
But when I gathered up all my courage just to say hi, they all said bye.
I go through a pain undefined
where I want to talk ,but can't make my mind .
My tongue feels as if it has frozen.
My voice becomes the lowest in the room.
All I could then do
was redefine all my thoughts again and again , and put it all as a
painful
Social Anxiety.
Defining me into a category of introvert
would not be justified
cause
that hell of pain
i go through, introvertness can justify.
I really wanted to
and at the end,
it just that I couldn't even make it right,
why?
I look like a free person
then,
Why am I trapped from inside ?
My phases of suffering are undefined.
Even if they take the initiative ,I still can't make my mind.
I just want to be free like an extrovert,
in the social world.
When even there is no insecurity,
still, why?
Just a quest with myself ,
why can't I , even when I really tried?
In the end,
I really cried
It's the horror of my life.



© @Å_12