I must confess
I've been acting all along
I'm not quite as numbed or strong
I've lead you all on
I do not feel ok
it has not been alright
it's been awhile since the world seemed bright

welcoming and warm
I do not feel these things
the world is cold
or maybe it me

I must confess
I'm a confused mess
it's hard to tell if I'm right or wrong
don't give me any tests
don't bother with opinions they wont help at all
see I don't trust myself but I don't trust you more
so I'll listen and follow my confusion
before your caring intrusions

I must confess I feel like death
I like to act as if I find it funny
and for awhile I convinced myself
see I am my own dummy
crash testing coping mechanisms
then I go cry about it
and if you ask
I'll lie about it

I must confess
I don't feel right about this
I don't like my body
or the way my face is
and I don't feel comfortable when I'm out in public
but give me a drink
and you'd be appalled
that I feel socially incapable
that's why I was an alcoholic after all

I must confess
I don't know how well my life really is
but I've told you it's wonderful
and I'm living in bliss
and I've told you I'm happier now
it's quite as bad
but I must confess
I'm still melancholic and drab




© Jada E. Clark