I'm 19
Determined to be happy
But home fails me everytime
Life is playing a cruel joke on me
Made me think it's over and it began again in a second
Darkness finally won
I'm ruined
Lost myself.
Something I don't need to fight anymore
Embracing every bit of darkness
I felt llight for a second and it destroyed me within a second
I want to run away so far that no one would be able to catch up
Fighting the urge to scream and cry
I just want to hide from everyone
Y'all make me hate life everyday
Each day gets harder to smile
I have never felt how happiness feels like
I envy that emotion so much
All these exciting things they see on me and think I'm happy
Take a peek at my soul
You would chase me away
Everyone has gotten a share of me to ruin
19 was supposed to be fun
It's a battle everyday
I'm tired
These words don't move me
I can see right through you
This isn't love
But I'm giving myself out to be used
A punching bag I have been from the beginning of my life
So many words I have absorbed
So many slaps I have absorbed
They all ring in my head even when I don't want to remember
It's hard to be a punching bag everyday
Put on the lights they say
Darkness has been my best friend for years
Where was light then
Now you want to change me ?
It's too late
I don't want to be young and sad anymore
The more I fight it
You remind me again
Everyone does
I have accepted it today
Being 19 was supposed to be fun
A life I didn't even ask for



© ~lisa xoxo