if i were to just disregard and not care of the future,
it is tempting to call myself a lover
to declare, though in this hell of a ride,
though pulled back and forth in between these waves,
to declare that i have fallen for you
to admit that you are the favorite thing my thoughts would always fall back to.

i built you up in my mind, crushed you back down, picked you apart
it's one sided, really,
but to further pull "you" into this madness neither do i have the heart nor the gut.

i loved to think that i just liked this feeling, and not the person at the receiving end of it
that be it whomever, to me it wouldn't really matter,
but turns out it does, and i was very wrong
and none other would gain my comfort and trust
at least not for some time ...