Didn’t remember
everything in this
normalize typical world
even though I was born
on the same birthday month,
same age, same conflicting
star sign as Alexxis Lemire,
no one will know that.
For half of my life,
I grew up as an only child
since 9 and a half years old
who used to live this spoiled life.
All my life,
didn't recognize
I was giving off
a mean girl's energy,
truth why I am the way I am.
Because there is some introverted side of me
sometimes make me avoid
other people at all costs,
is not because I don't want to
Interact with anyone
is actually because,
grew up as a quiet and obedient child
not used to speaking for myself often
do everything and whatever
other people want me to do or
people want me to be.
I used to be a person
who experience as a popular child
growing up,
as anyone doesn't know
all my life,
I used to be a well-behaved
and a well-mannered little girl.
before I was a person
people loved and admired
they used to see me as an angel
who are unaffected by societal
hatred and cruelty in life,
they used to like how I
use to deal with negative impact
with positivity,
as my mom told me before.
I used to be a great host
when our guests arrived
at our house,
yes, I used to be a graceful
and an angel to everybody
as no one knows
I had been patient
for a long time ago.
From the start of my
Freshman year in high school
from 2010-2011
everything was going well,
try to be emotionally strong
as everybody else was,
didn't know why I am
romantically interested and
fascinated with teenage boys and
being in a romantic relationship.
Used to be told to let go and move on
or being discriminated against,
I do have my dark side
when I felt romantically in pain
it releases my inner Rolanda and
an inner devil out of me,
stressful and trapped situations
shaped me into who I am.
I was citing fatigue and unhappy
feel the same way as Roi Fabito
everything annoyed me at the time,
all I want to graduate and just leave
after I finished my transition program years,
use to start as a new college
Everything starts all over again,
being busy with four classes
being busy with language class,
out of college campus.
Being busy hanging out with new people
while dating an autistic boyfriend.
To the point where
it gets too far,
there certain situations
where he and his best friends
makes me feel triggered and
uncomfortable,
there are certain days where
I just want to break up with him
before he ever broke up with me.
But, my inner teenage self crave for
a boyfriend and being in a relationship,
I don't know what to do
as a Gemini
I dislike when a Libra
have to always complain
what I did or what I made them feel,
make me the victim
turn the blame on me.
My life is hard it is and
Why did he make my life
even harder I don't understand.
My family's lifestyles and culture
are different but, there certain
experience is still the exactly
the same as any other family
situation has,
I just don't understand him
and why he is annoyed and
bothered by every little thing
especially when I behaved as
neurotypicals, or how I usually
speak in a neurotypical language.
Assume I was hurting him or
his best friends like Emma and Mina.
My past life shaped me as who I am
it is not easy for me to erase or delete any memories
of our romantic relationship that easily,
while I didn't remember my whole life.

-Laura So

© LauraGemini