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letting go
feeling like the last 6yrs have happened over night since silkys soul was taken from us all, just like dominos everyone I care about starting going, Anna clendening said it well it's getting bad again,I'm on a downward spiral once again,thus be a little bit different as I am alone with my kids all 7 of them I can't live without them, being sole parent is hard as fuck some days i want to quit, but I can't show that weakness to the kids they continue to belive I'm some superhero I got this I will find a way to work everything out,because I will and I do I always have when it comes to them I'll be dead with all my family and friends a before anyone got a chance to get to my kids,homicide suicide I'll be taking a few detrimental rats with me, or they be left feeling the pain they inflicted on me, losing everyone at once, is a kick in the guts especially when the man u have waited approximately 2yrs 1 month 3 weeks 4 days stayed true,loyal,supportive,and devoted,only to have him turn his back on me as soon as he was let free of that bracelet, his world got bigger his options got wider, all of a sudden he had to be reminded,
to go home, to check his phone, to call in to check on us at home, he started staying out so much the lounge room we changed to a bedroom to suit our big family needs I changed back slowly, was nearly completed before he even noticed I was moving it, mind you he already brought a caravan for himself out the front, why should he care what's happening inside, what he wants and his plans are different he refused to admit it, crazy is what he said I seemed every time it question or throw at him my assumptions,accusations, cos shit wasn't adding up it Wasn't making sence no matter how u explained it,switch up now I'm the one whose changing, can't deal with me this is the reason he leaving, walks out said he done but come back when he wants act like 1 of these 2 types sometimes both, we just friendsor I don't even exist neither did the kids by this time we had 3 under 4 nicholas whose now 6 and the twins are now 4 ,u turned do cold like we ain't never been as a whole, or he would do this thing acting like nothing should be wrong and I'm the bad guy cos I'm expected to just play along with it, like this ain't fuckiin with my head not hurting like a bitch, u stabbed me in the ribs forgot about me and the kids,how do we forget u too how do we do what you did too,
now I got no choice I have to pretend to not feel a damn thing except what others think I should, that's crap that's bull that's so Nobel of you to think a decade don't do a thing what if u didn't get the chance to choose cos everyone around made your life decision for u, you were at a loss it was the bullshit from others and this what it costs my happiness possibly my life, we will see how this shit pans put and all cos my sister is trying to distract others from the off act she gone off the fuckiin rails she puts me in the shit so badly it's costing more then her live pretty on t he outside be ugly on the inside life ever did and that's a fuckiin bit from money side of it but WHAT her latest antics have cost there not a dollar sign u can put on that cos it's priceless, I just hope I can fight my way outta this I jist dont get why u wouldn t come to me instead of the government ur a fuckiin idiot Nd I've gotta again fight alone Nd I am low on energy I don't know if I got the strength to continue to go, fight or flight mode is set im giving it all I've got but even after i let go of everyone and stop the drinking and drugs will that even be enough or will there be just another battle ahead ready to put me to another stop, idk it looks like I'm letting go if u only u could of known the demons I fight when I am alone, the demons I fight when I'm not on my own, the demons I fight to continue to live everyday like it not my biggest hardest fight, jist hope it aint my last,hope I can withstand the storm I hope this shit will pass , my kids are the only place I get my strength from.
© sandiiRsalt
to go home, to check his phone, to call in to check on us at home, he started staying out so much the lounge room we changed to a bedroom to suit our big family needs I changed back slowly, was nearly completed before he even noticed I was moving it, mind you he already brought a caravan for himself out the front, why should he care what's happening inside, what he wants and his plans are different he refused to admit it, crazy is what he said I seemed every time it question or throw at him my assumptions,accusations, cos shit wasn't adding up it Wasn't making sence no matter how u explained it,switch up now I'm the one whose changing, can't deal with me this is the reason he leaving, walks out said he done but come back when he wants act like 1 of these 2 types sometimes both, we just friendsor I don't even exist neither did the kids by this time we had 3 under 4 nicholas whose now 6 and the twins are now 4 ,u turned do cold like we ain't never been as a whole, or he would do this thing acting like nothing should be wrong and I'm the bad guy cos I'm expected to just play along with it, like this ain't fuckiin with my head not hurting like a bitch, u stabbed me in the ribs forgot about me and the kids,how do we forget u too how do we do what you did too,
now I got no choice I have to pretend to not feel a damn thing except what others think I should, that's crap that's bull that's so Nobel of you to think a decade don't do a thing what if u didn't get the chance to choose cos everyone around made your life decision for u, you were at a loss it was the bullshit from others and this what it costs my happiness possibly my life, we will see how this shit pans put and all cos my sister is trying to distract others from the off act she gone off the fuckiin rails she puts me in the shit so badly it's costing more then her live pretty on t he outside be ugly on the inside life ever did and that's a fuckiin bit from money side of it but WHAT her latest antics have cost there not a dollar sign u can put on that cos it's priceless, I just hope I can fight my way outta this I jist dont get why u wouldn t come to me instead of the government ur a fuckiin idiot Nd I've gotta again fight alone Nd I am low on energy I don't know if I got the strength to continue to go, fight or flight mode is set im giving it all I've got but even after i let go of everyone and stop the drinking and drugs will that even be enough or will there be just another battle ahead ready to put me to another stop, idk it looks like I'm letting go if u only u could of known the demons I fight when I am alone, the demons I fight when I'm not on my own, the demons I fight to continue to live everyday like it not my biggest hardest fight, jist hope it aint my last,hope I can withstand the storm I hope this shit will pass , my kids are the only place I get my strength from.
© sandiiRsalt
