Do y'all want to hear some still surprisingly steamy old time tea
Which has been cloaked heavily since early eleventh century?
Once upon the calendar year assigned one thousand twelve BC
Lived a seven-year-old little lass who liked to adventure — she
Was named Red by her ma and her pa, Fulk and Marfa Riding-Hood
They hyphenated well 'fore their time — double-barrelled 'fore you could
Naturally, their household was the talk of the wide sprawling wood

“Marfa wears the knee-length tunic!” — “Fulk must be a eunuch!” one'd rhyme
“Eleven in their fold, poor Fulk's a cuckold!” another would chime
Due to their stained reputation, all thirteen mouths were hard to fill
Not to mention, aside from baby making, Fulk lacked any skill
He said he spent the better half of each day searching for a job
But him and Jim just routinely day drank down at the Hoary Knob

Marfa had had a youngin glued to her hip since she'd turned fourteen
Since thirty-year-old Fulk caught a glance and in his eye grew a gleam
Since he propositioned her pa with some decent-looking protein
Marfa truly didn't want to, but ultimately after the scream
That brought to a snivelling conclusion a rather long-lasting scene
As Marfa's ma started feeling sickly — began to pull a lean
Marfa, who would do anything to make her well — to see her beam
Agreed as long as she could keep her name or both could somehow seam

Red was Marfa’s third born but the one and only female child
On her immatured shoulders, too much was perpetually piled
Picking up — caring for the kids — keeping them from acting born wild
Red was forced to dress in the red clothes her ma once styled herself in
Marfa loved red, but Red hated it — it clashed with her freckled skin
It was too matchy-matchy with her curly hair where frizz flourished
Brought out the bloodshot in her eyes that were weary and malnourished
With red, Red did not harmonize, yet it hounded her everywhere
She’d be toting siblings out the door to adventure here or there
Her ma would harp, “Don't forget your red hood!” Red would whine, "Ugh, unfair!"

One morning, Marfa received a carrier pigeon just post dawn
The messenger stated its presence, dropped its load, then it was gone
The mail bird had brought them bad news — Martha’s dear ma was ill, again
She had acute grumble gut and on the right side a poignant pain
She had a...