It's not the beatings and broken bones that wrecked me,
It's the words that whent with the violence.
The broken bones have long since healed.
But the words still echo in every sleeping and waking moment.

I can learn Marshall arts to stop being afraid of her physical violence.
But how do I deal with the way my identity was erased?
My counselor says one day I'll recover,
It will only take 30 to 40 years.

I'm 30 and I don't know who I am.
All because of a heartless monster.
I'll be 60 by the time I know me.
All because of her verbal abuse.

I'd have preferred she had just beaten me to death.
Because her words have destroyed my life.
I will never know what it's like to be a good partner.
I will die having never felt joy.

You would think I was talking about an abusive ex,
But no I'm talking about a parent who doesn't deserve the title.
She taught me love is verbal abuse and violence.
That I'll never deserve hugs and guidance.

Sadly the police would arrest my father.
When he tried to report that monster.
But he was the one who dressed my wounds.
I would just have to wait for him to get home from work.

I beged for help as soon as I escaped that toxic upbringing.
Sadly no one believed I needed counseling.
Because no one listens when you report a woman.
That monster returned to continue my destruction.

Despite being an adult the judge made my life her decision.
Because of all the times I'd hang myself to escape her.
I was not struggling with abuse purely because she's a woman.
I was just mentally unstable.

She gets to live careless and free.
I have to find a way to live damaged permanently.
I will never recover from what was done.
All because society refused to believe.
purely because my abuse was coming from my birth giver.

Please take note when you see the child acting up at school.
Look at both mother and father.
Because my father was a good man.
I was a lamb for the slaughter.

Believe it is possible that the abuse comes from the mother.
Before permanent harm is done to another.
Because of your bias my life is over.
learn now before you destroy more good fathers

© Tinka H Cain