It's 6:20pm.
I'll be back at work,
In my messy classroom,
In roughly 12 hours.

Currently,
I'm tipsy
and slapping my
right shin
repeatedly
in a desperate attempt to
feel something.

The skin is reddening,
but I remain removed
from the present.

I feel nothing.

Usually,
I'd interpret this as a positive.
I haven't truly enjoyed
sober
time alone with myself
since I was 10 years old.

Now,
though,
I'm confused as I watch my
skin redden
as my mind fails to
register the sting from my
relentless slaps.

I almost hope it bruises.
I almost hope to see
a temporary reminder
that I'm not okay,
that outlasts my
drunken state....