🐾healing is the hardest part.
I force my eyes open
after my alarm has been going off
for over an hour and I am already late.
I hate the light; I hate the heat
and the cold and the night.
my feet hit the floor and they feel heavy.
I just want to sleep but I don't want to dream;
I can't manage everything,
so I slow down and breathe.
I'm nowhere near who I thought I'd be.
why is everyone else so happy? what about me?
they say it comes slowly,
but I have no idea where to start.
healing is the hardest part.

🐾 mothering the child within,
comforting myself,
giving myself the love I never received from anyone else.
crossing my arms around my body,
embracing the little girl within who needs a hug.
together we will get through this,
we were always enough.
she belongs here, only with me,
she doesn't need to swallow down the sadness,
her emotions are safe to be free.
the little girl inside,
kept waiting for someone to save her,
she never imagined,
she would be her own saviour.
without light we can't see the shadows,
without love we can't feel the pain.
isn't it beautiful to find out
that we are not alone
in our suffering?
after years of feeling as if no one
could understand our torment,
we are found together,
sitting gently with our sorrow.
knowing that we felt it and survived,
makes the pain a bit easier to take.
the day will still come,
no matter how hard you close your eyes.
the night will still kiss the day goodbye,
painting colours in the sky, showcasing a beautiful silhouette.
welcome the darkness. embrace the light.
don't fight against the ups and downs of life.
sometimes the sun shines, even when it rains.
so I try to find goodness, despite all the pain...


🐾 I found pieces of myself
after losing them in misery.
if you're wondering
if you'll ever find yourself again,
you will, but it will come after the breaking.
when life piles up the pain on your chest
and you can barely take a breath.
after you’ve shattered to the floor from all the pain,
and all you can do is sweep up the pieces
and throw them away.
you will find yourself after you let go,
and stop thinking, and healing,
and searching for that feeling.
when you accept that beautiful things are broken,
and the pieces you are looking for,
are found in this moment.
I suffered, I learned, I changed.
I became myself again.
I let go of who I thought I was,
and embraced who I became.
I suffered, I learned, I changed.
I became myself again.

It feels wrong.
But,
there is no need to argue with the voice within;
you can ignore it for a while,
but then it will make you listen.
it feels wrong.
so, it is what it is,

🐾 I have searched for love in people, places and things.
I have begged for love crying silently in my room every night.
I have wished for love like the stars could hear me,
I have thought about love for hours trying to find its meaning.
I have looked for it everywhere, wondering if it even exists. I have mistaken
love for a player’s kiss.
I have searched for love all over and in everybody else. when I couldn't find
it anywhere,
I learned to love myself.

.......to be continued


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