I filled the house with your favorite scent,
Just because I miss you.
It smells like memories I've forgotten,
Mixed with the moments of yesterday.
Even the way the smell fades...
It gives me a litany of feelings.
It was never your absence that hurt that hurt me.
It has always been the lack of seeing you walk into the room again that slays.
The way you would spread butter on your toast,
So focused on not making a tear on the crust.
You never knew I was watching,
But, I know it was unique enough to never be seen again.
I left your socks on the chest in the hallway this time,
The frustration helps me remember you.
So, I don't think I'll ever wash them.
I suppose your still here with me,
Watching me, holding me..
But I'm not with you at all!
I see you sometimes in the hallway wrapping the cord of the vacuum up,
I see you dragging the bins of trash to the edge of the sidewalk.
Precisely placing them on the curb for the garbage man to pick up with ease.
The weeds have grown back a bit extra this season
And that reminds me of how you would pull them every Saturday and leave all the dirt in the sink
Just waiting to be rinsed.
I miss you,
Every little thing you did.
And...
I don't think I'll ever want to stop missing you
I don't think I'll enjoy not thinking about you
This is how I keep you alive my dear
This is how I remember
© Kasey Spotanski