{Revealing the Room}



~waiting~


I sit in a dark and silent room. There I wait. I wait for you. I wait to hear you say I love you. I wait to hear you say you will be forever mine.

I sit in a dark and silent room. There I wait. I wait for you to come for me. I wait for you to save me.

But as I wait, you never come. I sit in a dark and silent room. There I wait. I wait for the waiting to be over.

Will you ever say I love you? Will you ever be the one to save me? I will wait forever.

The darkness shall become my friend. The silence shall comfort me. I will wait and the room will remain.





~the room that remained~



I sit in a dark and silent room. You know the one, the one that is easier to reveal as a room than an empty abyss. The walls that became my friend, freeing my demons and defying desperate pleas for a strong arm to save me.

The dear demons didn’t save me but, suffocated me, scratching at my skin, shredding my soul, and snuffing out the spark. They let the abyss swallow me, take me, and show me- trick me into believing you, beast, do not love me.

I have waited, withered, and without a doubt, drown in the darkness that the dear demon’s deceit created for me. I sit in the depths of darkness and silently scream, swallowed by the abyss.

The “room” that locked the lost girl away and released revenge, returning what’s left into me. The girl misery made into a monster. Only a monster can destroy a monster. A monster made in moments like these, in the room that remained.



~inside the room~



Don’t dare look inside, you wouldn’t understand. The twisted madness and dark demons would tell you all my secrets, the ones I hide behind my black eyes and false smile.

It is safer for your soul to run away, than look inside. I will not be your cure, I will be the poison that kills you slowly. I will destroy you as I once was destroyed.

See, there is nothing left on the inside, nothing pure or good. Only the pieces of sweet nothings that became lies that took my innocence and created what you look at now.

I am the monster born from a broken heart and torn soul. I am the ugly truth, what is left over and behind of a beautiful lost girl.





~depths of the dark room~



The room is where I hide the depths of my pain. This dark and silent room has been all I’ve ever known. The dark and silent room is where I wait, always waiting, hoping someday you’ll catch up to me.

But as I wait, cold and numb, a shell of what I used to be, I hear the laughter through the walls. The demons scratching, mocking me, clawing to come out. I am slipping away. Swirling in the dark abyss, falling from everything.

And in this darkness, in this silence, of this room, I drown, always waiting for you, in the depths of the dark room.


~lost girl~



I saw her today, a rare occurrence, but the reflection looking back, was her, showing herself. And so, I embraced her, letting her consume me, and for a brief moment, in so many hopeful moments, I felt reborn.

The fires raged and I remembered what it felt like to be me. The me that believed to be gone, the me I hid away, the me that was left after you destroyed her, instead of destroying yourself.

The you that you pretended to be, so I wouldn’t see what went on underneath your skin. So, she and I wouldn’t see what you really were. And we, she and I, have forgiven you, and I locked her away in that dark and silent room.

Letting her be, keeping the demons and misery company. But the demons did not stir, they hushed their laughter and scratching claws from touching the walls.

Unlocking the door, giving her a glimmer of hope, that she once restored in me. I am trying to hang on to her, me, trying to find my place as the woman I finally became. The woman that brought you here.

Have you noticed? Did you recognize her or did she too go unnoticed? But she is still here. Joining me, giving me back pieces I believed I lost.

I am not certain how long I will be myself, whole and complete, but I will let her, this me, be free.



~she lingers~



Like melting ice under my tongue, I hold the cold truth behind my eyes. The bitter reality of who I am, and who I will never be. I am not her, nor will I ever be. I am the left over, the what if, and never quite enough.

The reality has wedged itself, like a splinter in the skin, festering, as I pick it apart until there is nothing left. I have accepted this, finally. I have taken the knowledge and hidden the sadness.

Playing the part of the has been, the do better next time. And what I will never be. Where has she gone? Where did she get lost? She has faded away. I no longer see her in the mirror, just her memory remains.

I get a glimpse, a spark on a dark night, of where she lingers on lost hopes and false promises. She is beautiful. She is whole. She is what I will never be.


~sweet misery~



My darkest friend, I now realize who you are. The dark and silent room, never a room at all. You my old one, are the very abyss I was locked away in. The spark that lingered in the darkness, trapped in the abyss, overwhelming silence, scared, drowning in the depths below. Tearing myself apart, I wished for a strong arm to save me, willed the universe for a beast with wings to not only save my very soul, but be the light in my darkness. To love me each lifetime, as I would love him. In that moment my darkest friend, oldest friend, you whispered back, taunting me, laughing at my loneliness, wrapping your cold arms around me, taking my breath, hurting me so deeply that a tear fell from what was left. A glimmer of hope, a pearl, against black tides, igniting the spark, creating the beast that would destroy me in ways you could not. You, my darkest friend, tricked me, never a friend at all, but the only one listening. The sweet misery that loved my company.



© Tabetha Simpson