When I was six, I dreamed I met God,
he was radiant but I was speechless, and
a little nervous...

God spoke, "What are your sins, son?"

I said, where do I possibly begin?

When I was just a tender young tot,
I threw my Granny's precious silverware outside, practically non-stop...

At age one, I hid her favorite dentures, under the bed and put itching powder in her hair, then I fled!

Ahh, yes,

let's see, at age two I put some whoopee cushions, on her rocking chair and laugh and giggle, when she launched herself into the air...

Sir, at three, I dug holes in my grand-
mother's front lawn, then she proceeded to whup my butt from dusk all the way to dawn...

Howling with glee and vigor, I dug holes with zeal, like a soldier digs foxholes or a cool navy...