I'm sitting here in this time and space wondering why it is that people only want me around to fulfill their needs when nothing better is around. I'm always a second choice. I've never been good enough .


Never good enough being a friend, never good enough being a lover, never being good enough being a mother; never good enough BEING.


I'm not entirely sure about freewill, but I know from being witness to suicide there is a finality of things. It is my hope that instead of time having it's way with me that I will have my way with time.


My children have excluded me from their lives, friends have been lost and along the way so have I.


I'm blamed for an illness that's out of my control, in fact I am more than blamed I am ridiculed.


Behind my back people speak of frivolous meanderings. And I chalk it up to logic to somehow make sense of my physical inadequacies.


I know who I Am.
They only speculate.


The human brain is flawed.
Its blinded by jeoulsy and want.
Enslaved to think that material possession is the ultimate success.


This human, that I am, sees beyond reality, which can be deceptive.


I see the truth.


How dare they.
Am I not a human still with emotion?


No, I'm not.
They've reduced me to nothing.


The nothing they want when no one better is around.


I'm the human they talk about after they're 6ft down.
How they should've called
Or tried to understand
That this body given me is nothing but a prison.


But for now, while I'm still alive I'm nothing.
When I'm gone,
They'll see I'm something.



© Kadina