All the things I wish I would say...
From screaming at the top of my lungs,
To sobbing and whispering quietly to your shoulder.
All the things I want to say,
So that you'll understand what lacks understanding.
Like trying to convice you that I only tried to protect you,
And that I just wanted you to get that I never understood what he was doing until someone shoved it down my throat that something was wrong.
And crying about every time I needed you,
But never got the chance to say it.
These are just a few of the things I want to say,
Like how much you mean to me, and how much I love you.
How much I need you,
And how much I wish you'd listen.
Just a few of the things,
I wish I had the guts to say,
Like open up your eyes,
And look at how far I've come.
Look at how mature,
Look at how pretty,
Look at how wonderful I turned out,
Despite risking everything for the selfish person you showed me to be.
Look at how many times I begged you to look at me,
How many times you told me to shut my mouth, or that I wasn't being mature enough,
When all I wanted was a little recognition.
When all I wanted as a little love,
A little sheltering.
To see past my defenses.
I was only thirteen,
Writing about stuff I never understood until now.
Where were you?
Teasing me about my fantasy,
Acting like it was normal instead of strange that I was with him on the truck.
Acting like it was fine to pull down my dress in front of our father,
Because that's not weird.
No, kids flash their parents all the time.
Acting like I was between you two.
Daddys little princess,
But Candis,
What about your little sister?
What about her?
Battling her own battles,
Crying out for her sissy,
Where's my big sister?
Where's my protection?
Sure didn't come from Daddy.
Sure didn't come from Mamada.
Sure didn't come from you.
Just a few of the things I wish you'd hear.
Instead of blocking your ears.
Instead of drowning me out.
Instead of acting like it was all my fault.
© Karia FelWell