Peace be with you
for those who celebrate
Happy Easter
for those who don't
happy Sunday
hope it's relaxing, hope it's an easy and sleepy setting
I'm sending good tidings
because unfortunately I'm about to shatter the good facade
I know, I know
it's too early and not even 8:30am
but this has been festering in my mind for too long
I discuss myself and my happenings
the occasional and rare frequency of creativity giving birth to new art pertaining to characters or scenery
I try to stay away from politics, religion, and news
for I'm simply an entity on the internet
I'm depressing but not an idiot
I refuse to ostracize anyone with my own simple naive world views
when I don't really know you
your backgrounds
when I want to
but there's so many of you
and to put it plainly
I'm an ignorant, isolated American
with a bleeding heart of gold and bronze
I'd listen with open ears and undivided attention
I'd tear myself apart hearing your stories
in case there's tragedy
wanting to do something to help out
yet nor knowing the proper channels to aid
I'll consign myself to inaction
the price to pay for my tunnel vision
How would you view me after a little conversation
after knowing the chaos in my head
I always wonder
going back rereading my notes
wanting to learn every language
to have conversations with a person from every background
without the need of a translator
but I've grown lazy
losing motivation for the upteenth time
can't even make it past Spanish
what I've been trying to learn for the past 3 years
Look at me, I'm stalling
following tangents
instead of the main reason I've came here
call it a poetic staple of a one track mind
let's reset and try again
I mentioned briefly of being American
so let's start with that
it's close enough to the subject at hand
Reading this, are you from another country
another continent
do you see us on the news
do you want to travel here
Let me tell you it's not as glamorous as movies paint it out to be
not as chaotic as the news probably makes it out to be
From one's person's perspective
unless you watch the news everyday
have access to headlines
the world is on the sidelines
anything else that happens is your life
when you focus on that, there's drama
there's happiness
but you forget that while you're in one state, in one city or town
there's 49 more states around
you forget the world is much bigger than technology makes it seem
so you check the news or the headlines
and quickly you think to yourself
"What's the use"
I don't know about you
but I'm honestly sick and tired of life being governed by debates and deliberation
against situations that have clear answers
I'm tired of corrupted people's agendas ruling over common sense
I can't tell you how many times in the last week alone here
not where I'm at
but scattered over the 49 other states
the demented or sick and twisted
kill and kill over again
open and shut cases
yet when the media dig into their personalities, the past lives of the killers themselves
it delvoves into a case study
they become what some want to be
celebrities, lab rats and the focus of entertainment TV
while with each passing day
the victims are only remembered initially until they're only remembered by their families
What a cruel injustice
There's beauty in America sure
don't get me wrong
this is just the B- sides
but this is also only the prologue
all week there's been mass shootings
yet we, the citizens, are so numb to it
it's become more ridiculous than it already is
what's worse is now
there's no outrage over lost life
and demand to reform
there's defense of death
full evidence and admittance of guilt
but it could be spread, the story, as a bad day
while they spread through the streets with picket signs and riots
news stations make waves with discourse
while we take our claims to social media
make our waves with discourse
but it's for views and likes with no thoughts
people lost their lives
granted they tragically do everyday
yet we punish the victims by not even remembering their names
giving fame and 4 names to the ones that took them away
saying victims like it's a badge of honor
like it's spooky
like it has no weight
but saying killer like it has the weight of the heavens behind it
like demons will descend with it
spouting hellfire and brimstone
Now you may ask why I say nothing
hold my opinions so tightly
because at the end of the day no one cares
all the time I spout my woes and troubles
while some to celebrate and humor me
no one really says anything
that's ok, I don't expect them to
these are my thoughts
my only goal is to be heard not loved
my own country hates the color of my skin
that I had no choice of being born in
a third rate citizen according to them
a third rate citizen hurts to even look at
I haven't truly felt that yet
but I know what it feels like
I don't really help eliminate that stereotype
I stick to myself, an introvert
my face always serious
I smile and laugh when nervous so I've grown to hate those expressions
life here told me to be tough
yet law enforcement will kill me if I'm not polite enough
or kill me anyway
planting false evidence on my body
and say I was threatening
when I was just walking down the street obliviously
A scary thought I had yesterday
was that I was going to die in the town I can't seem to escape
from what, I don't know
but I really want to go away
all I ever want to do without really knowing what I mean
I really want to go away
sorry for ruining your Sunday
the bird inside my ribcage
I free you from my chest
I really want to go away
sorry for ruining your Sunday
I'll get out of your way
I really want to feel better myself
but I guess that can wait
I really want to go away

© Andrus Cassian