I put my playlist on random shuffle the other day.
So it started playing songs I'd never heard before.
Then this one song started playing.
The song was so sad but at the same time beautiful.
I wasn't listening to the lyrics just yet but the tune made me quickly add it to my liked songs.
The name was If By Chance and it was by Ruth B.
So I played it again paying attention to the lyrics this time.
The lyrics seemed so selfish and toxic to me at first.
I didn't understand why she'd pray for the person she was singing to, to be torn apart by their new lover after so many years.
It didn't make sense why her heart broke when she wasn't the cause of this person's smile and this person's happiness after so many years.
Because I always thought after many years I'd be way past everyone I was once with and I wouldn't care about their love life at all.
But as I kept playing it again and again, my thoughts wondered.
I thought of you giving somebody else the same amount of happiness and love you give to me and it completely shattered me.
I thought of you just putting me in the past and moving on and my heart ached.
I was at the verge of tears just thinking of somebody else that isn't me becoming your future.
And suddenly I fully understood the song.
Suddenly I understood her.
© janet k.