Still making origami lilies.
Just another useless talent I have.
Don't understand why I still make them.
I used to make them for you.
Now I say I make them for myself.
It's true now

But I miss you.
I really do.
Even though I shouldn't do.
I hate this feeling.
But I can't get over it.
Neither can I get over you.

But I want to.
I hate this.
I feel different.
Two days before I wanted to kill you.

But now I rather kiss you.
I feel tis again.
It's against my will.
I hate when I feel like this.
I hate you,myself and the fact
we're just friends.

I really hope you miss me.
Because I do.
I really,fucking miss you.
Besides all of this I'll probably
cry everything at night.
It'll be really cozy.
Kinda hope you could feel it too.

I should stop because it's turning into a love poem now.
But I don't care.
Why do I not?
I should.
I don't love you anymore.
And I never did.

This line of lies are bad.
They're the worse.
Because I do still love you more.
I would still text I love you.
But I can't we're just friends.

Joked about if I want to go back to
this state.
I said no.
I never wanted to.
But if I don't have a choice.

What I hate about myself is that
I don't want to hurt you.
If would have the soul to say no,
I could say:
No you are staying with me.
You are gonna love me like
you did before.

But that's kinda abusive.
Not even kinda.
This would hurt you.
I don't want to hurt you.
Because I couldn't.
I don't have the soul for it.
Not even the heart.
I couldn't take it.

But I want you to love me like that.
And that one day you'll realize that
you can't find someone who can
love you more than me.
Because there is no dead or alive
person on earth who could
ever possibly love you more than me.

Didn't I say I never loved you?
I hope you see through the lines.
And see all my lies.
They were never the 'I love you's.
They were the 'I think we're
better when just friends'.

Now this is a love poem again.

© Tortise