one of my students
came up to me
during break yesterday,
unprompted,
and very confidently told me
that I'm the best teacher ever.

it broke me.
it haunts me.

I didn't let this show
in the moment,
of course.
I thanked the student
and told them I
appreciated their kind words.

inside,
though?
I broke.

I spend so much
of my time hating myself,
drowning myself out,
and reminding myself
of all the people I've failed
over the course of my life,
that this praise is unworthy.

I am unworthy.

I've never been able
to LIVE for myself.
my only motivation to do so
is fueled by others.
I don't have a life.
I teach, ...