Even if it’s temporary, I’ll be friends with you
We live on the same college campus
So I invite you over to my house
We play video games and light incense
I love how the smells congregates past our noses
It smells like jasmine and rose
I love how when were together everything feels ok
Less stressful, like their isn’t this heavy weight laying on my back to be somebody I’m not
I just want to be myself when I’m around you
I enjoy when we go out for dinner
How we smile and laugh
Like it hasn’t been weeks since we saw each other
I enjoy how we throw all our cares and worries out the window, like they have been placed in a locked box in the back of our heads, just for a few hours
Everything just feels so peaceful
On other days when I invite you over to my college dorm I get excited
I invite you and all my others friends and we smoke carts and talk shit
We play music in the background and for a few hours the world doesn’t feel like it’s burning all around me
My life doesn’t feel like a continuous rush of harsh emotions and thoughts banging against my brain
I can just breathe normally for a minute
That’s why I like being around my friends
But somedays I have these deep, dark internal worries
That you will leave me
Or that you secretly don’t like me
Or that all my friends secretly hate me
It scares me because in the past when I open my heart I always get stabbed
The blood runs deep and I cry all day and all night
Wishing someone would stay for me
I have this unrealistic idea of others
I always try to see the best in them
Recently, I’ve stopped letting my brain play tricks on me
Because I always end up alone in the end
Always the one to get hurt , to be left alone, my heart bleeding out on the carpet
So please don’t use me
Don’t break my heart
I don’t want to fall apart
I know you and the rest of my “friends “ might be temporary
But for now I am with you
And we laugh and we smile
I hit your cart and we talk about our days
We talk about the people who hurt us
We make silly jokes
We laugh and we hold hands
And for a few short moments I’m really happy
So happy you could light me on fire and I would dance to the sensation of the heat
But I hope you don’t leave
I don’t want any of my friends to leave me
I seem to always hold on so tight to temporary people
So when they leave it really hurts me
That’s why I’m asking you not to leave me
That’s why I’m telling you to not hurt me
I understand that this is all temporary
Our friendship may be temporary
But just please
If your decide to leave
Don’t break me apart when you close the door behind you
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