Taking a short break
work is mundane
it's Thursday though so the workload is tame
even when the day is unpredictable the same
like my usual routine
simple and clean
wish my snowglobe was the same way
It's so foggy and unkept
the blizzard keeps it hazy and discontent
All week since Monday or was it Tuesday
I've been wanting to never leave my bed
play my tunes, turn off the lights
fade into oblivion like the moon
as he sighs, feeling as depressed as I do
saying he'll see me soon
if I can find him, hanging in the sky
an ornament on a blue Christmas tree
but I'm getting away from my point of being here
even though my purpose is vague and unclear
it's mostly a whim
thinking today has been pretty thin
in place has been daydreaming
wandering in streams and meadows
craving a pillow
or like a romantic movie
using someone's lap as one
I know I don't need permission
to transition into the topic of choice
but it's configured into my program
to ask and telegraph intentions
as I bring it up to mention
the coworker I discussed in entries past
Current youth and social media lingo
would call it simping
would call it sprung
the elders in my workplace would say it's because I'm young
the people around me if they knew would call it dumb
she'd just laugh and say it's ok
we're cool, we're just friends
even though it would hurt
more than blades could
To what good would it do
to chase the end beyond the means
she's married, in years that mars my lifespan
do I have any sort of backup plan
to prove better than her man
her husband she fought tooth and nail
for and against
in wars I could probably not comprehend
so dubious, yes, to reiterate
when I don't get sleep
I am stupid
yet stick with me, here me out
I pine in secret, my heart doesn't beat
to take hers away
breaking hearts, being a homewrecker
taking people away
it's not my style, it's not my game
though it was never mine to say
it's my decisions and the fallouts
that ends as my callout
my responsibility to take the hit on the chin like a champ
even when the force puts my back on the mat
it's what I deserve, what it really means to be a man
or at least a decent human
She's, though, very appreciated
she may have more experience but
she understands my progressions
she sees my eyes and doesn't turn away
yet I'm the one embarrassed that I always get caught
I'm the one embarrassed when she winks
cause in my head, I'm reading too much into the gesture
thinking, silently she may be into me
wanting to return her gaze
yet knowing for a fact, it's harmless flirting
something to keep the workplace from being boring
but there's a reason my number is missing from her phone
and why I never ask for hers in return
she'd never be the one I'd come home to
nor vice versa
we could probably go out for a drink or two
explore her world if given the chance
yet she's trouble
but in my history, I attract it because I never turn it down
because my life is too safe and sound
trouble spices things up
and her company I can't get enough
when in truth, I'm envious of the family she goes home to
when my children are just collectible figures
from animated t.v. shows and movies
terrible guardians of my dreams
my only company as I'm alone at 4 am
complaining about how lonely I am
What am I trying to big up
am I trying to compliment her
or make all my work disingenuine
when what I'm saying is true
Though lust wanders my brain untethered
my innocence still has shelter
my feelings are real
but they are also sealed
I don't love her, I won't go that far
I appreciate her, I like her
the lovely star
I keep smiling at her, staring unwillingly
all because one day, I saw her wearing street clothes instead of our standard work uniforms
someone inform my brain
inform human resources in my heart
discuss on the chart
how it shouldn't be that easy to fall for her
this woman with a figure like an hourglass
taunting me unknowingly with images of her in bikinis
circling through my head
if I saw the blueprints
what would I say
she has her faults
yet even that can't put to rest
her beauty and realness shining through
I could go on but I'd say her name
one day, I'd probably tell her
yet in shame
she'd brag to her husband the same
saying if he screws up, he has competition
it would be a joke, I already lost
I wouldn't join the fight anyway
too high a cost
all the skills I could offer
only fit on a page though I'd be willing to learn, the teacher
even if she earns more than me
I never care about that kind of thing
just promise me to be happy
I'm losing my train of thought
a runaway train on a faulty track
please don't let me step on a tack
trying to find words to rhyme
so I can pick up where i left off
but I scoff
I'm only writing this cause she's gone for the day
too much of a coward to say this to her face
full of shame, I'd run away
like I was a robber making a get away
Her green eyes would say how sweet
I'd hope for a kiss secretly
wanting to feel what I can't hold only through promise of desire
while hoping she'd miss
it's fantasy and always will be
I wouldn't want her conscience soiled
because of these wrong words
my useless foil
so let me wrap this up
a blanket like cocoon
warm and alone like I'll be when I go home
Hey, you, beautiful
Hey, you, baby girl
is it ok if I call you that
Hey, you, Talia
if you ever get the chance to read this
here are my free thoughts and feelings in summary
I enjoy your company
you're not the woman for me
as you're taken and I'm deteriorating
but I do like you, I appreciate you
don't worry, I don't plan to do anything
I'm not waiting
I only admire you from a far
like the star you are
enjoying sharing stares and our little talks
hoping you don't tell me to back off
you don't have to tell me
I know I've already lost
I'm not making a move
I'm just coming unglued
I don't need to hear you like me too
just want someone to know they're appreciated by me
I don't know if it's true for you
but allow me to believe in the illusion
that I'm someone important to you too

© Crowthepoet