Ever wondered what it's like to be your own antagonist? It's a feeling of distress. An overwhelming feeling of disgust in oneself.

It's like you're in a room, the walls are closing in, you stare at objects, your mental capacity teaching you how to use them to save yourself, but you just do nothing but watch them close in, crushing you into toasts.

Toxicity.

You tell yourself, you need to do this, you want to do this, you have to achieve this. But then again you say, 'what do I think of myself? How the heck would I think of achieving such great lengths, there's a limit right in front of me, I cannot do anything'.

Self betrayal.

'Doing this thing would hurt me, I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again after this, the world would hate me, I would hate me,' but then you do it, for the silliest of reasons.

Procrastination. 'I should do this, it's important that I do it, I'd regret not doing it, but I'm too tired, I'd just do it later'.

'Look at all these flaws, mehn, God must have been really angry when he was creating me, I am so imperfect, why can't I just be more like those cover girls and beach boys '

The thought of it all, giving you an overwhelming feeling of drowning, cutting yourself, hurting yourself, avoiding yourself, gulping the pain in pleasure, the feeling of worthlessness, over and over again.

So you wonder, this is my body, my flesh, my soul and mind, why drive against me? Why betray me?

Confusion.

You look into the mirror, asking it what you know she's heard before,

Friend or Foe?
© herlefthandwrites