Taking some shrooms and having a nightly cry
It feels so good to let these intense emotions out
All these years I have built emotional walls in my subconscious mind
When I’m sober I feel all these strong emotions
But I just can’t let them out
I want to scream and pout
But no sounds come out of my mouth
I bottle up my emotions
I put a corkscrew on the lid of my heart
So nothing bad can come out
I bottle all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions up so tight that I can’t even open myself up when needed
Viewing myself as extremely closed off
Surrender to all the emotions I can’t control
That I can not seem to let go of, to let these emotions flow freely
So I keep the bottle of emotions close to my chest
So all these powerful feelings can’t escape
But when I take shrooms my brain lets me unscrew the corck
I just love to be emotional on shrooms
It feels so good and nice
It feels so freeing
I get to laugh and dance and stare at the ceiling until I can’t even make out all the unique shapes that are being made
I also love to sing
Even if it sounds bad, no one can judge me
No one can tell me I should sound a certain way
And when I finally come down from the trip
I cry
I didn’t realize that I’ve created so many emotional blockages throughout the years that only shrooms could open me like this
The bottle and the corkscrew burst open in my chest, in my subconscious head
I savor all the flavors of my emotions as it flows about
The tastes of the sadness and pain courses down my throat
Taking shrooms is not a fucking joke
But I love it and I get to cry like a child
And honestly, I missed crying these past few years
I think when I was young, maybe around 12, I cried so much I ran out of tears
My emotional well had run dry
My leaky tear ducts were all out of water
Nothing left to hide
But oh my fucking god, when I take these little mushroom men
It makes me want to break down, to dive into the emotions I have shut out for so many years
I’m learning to face all my fears
Paranoia and guilt have walked alongside me
But when I’m high nothing can drag me down
I’m not a clown or a fool
Not feeling like a used tool
Or a failure
I’m just me, I’m human and it feels right
Feeling like I’m on cloud 9
The higher I go the better I feel
Nothing feels real or concrete in that moment
All I can see is the walls moving and my phone screen is way to bright
No knives in my back
No mind fucking heart attacks
It’s just me and my little Shroom friends
The highs and the lows all making me feel free
That maybe, in another world I could fly away from all my responsibilities and repressed emotions
That’s all I’ve ever wanted
To not even be me
But I am me and the shrooms are allowing me to express myself
No more pain or suffering
No more late night thoughts and early anxious mornings
Just for those few hours I am not here on earth
I know escapism is my best friend
That I run away when situations get to tough, to difficult to hold in my hands
But with these shroom friends I can just exist
No anxious list going off in my brain
Driving me to go fucking insane
No counting numbers or letters or getting upset cause my feelings were abused
I’ve stopped playing these dumb mind games that I seem to not be able to get out of my head
So when I come down from my high
I sit and I cry and I enjoy every second of it
I think of my emotions as a long lost friend
I see my tears as letting go of the pain from the past
Maybe me tripping is healing
Maybe it’s all fun and games
But the sensation and the high feels so good
Letting all these powerful, intense emotions out
Letting my body, brain, and soul collide
Finally becoming one, just for a couple hours
Finally seeing my own true power
Seeing and feeling the emotions I can not hide
It seems I’m not afraid anymore
I’ve got nothing to run from, not looking for an exit to escape
When I’m on Shrooms I only choose to accept what’s apart of my reality
No more emotional blockages
No more bad thoughts and anxious memories
It’s just me and my brain, my body and my soul
And I feel so fucking free
To cry to laugh to scream
It really does feel like one big dream
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