Drowning

I lost myself some
where though I don't know when or where. Perhaps pieces of me disappeared slowly until all that was left were the parts of each of them I hated most. Each hateful word evaporating away every good thing within myself turning my selflessness to selfishness that had been eagerly lurking inside of me waiting for the perfect opportunity to break free. Compassion, empathy, and love overtaken by jealousy rage and hate. I try so hard to bring back any kind of joy, patience, understanding, and love but am constantly roadblocked with mistrust uncertainty and an overwhelming emptiness that just continues to consume me. I believe everyone has an agenda in regards to me whether it be karmic justice they seek, or a warm body to use and abuse to punish themselves or someone who had hurt them. I've lost hope in true unconditional love of any kind…. Everyone I've learned has their conditions…. Even me. I despise the stranger looking back at me. She's cold and emotionless...