It's how I've been, navigating through the haze,
Medicating, a futile attempt to ease the maze
Of thoughts that never quiet. The apps I download
For meditating, they promise peace, a mode
Of calm, but they never work. They're just icons on a screen.

I'm always chasing a high that remains unseen,
A fleeting feeling of okay in a sea of not alright.
The friends, the laughter, the warmth, I'm never making it,
Just shadows passing by in the night. I've hurt
People, left apologies unspoken, a heart heavy with dirt.

Therapy? It's a word I've danced around,
Convinced I don't need it, just someone found
Who’s there for me, because that’s what matters,
In the quiet, in the roar, in all the patterns
Of life that seem to repeat with no end in sight.

And Jesus Christ, I've been told He's the light,
But I don’t need salvation, just a hand to hold tight,
Someone who sees me, who treats me right.
Because in the end, when the day bleeds into night,
That's all that really matters, that's the fight.

So I wander, a soul adrift in the vast,
Hoping for an anchor, for something to last
In this endless cycle of seeking and not finding,
A heart yearning for connection, for binding,
In a world where it seems I'm forever fading, ever waning.
© jMaj161914