I’m the saddest I’ve ever been
Crawling back into my own skin
Don’t know where I’m going
But I’ve known where I’ve been
I’ll keep running
Going place to pace
Can’t keep up with my own pace at times
Falling into my own emotional sublime
I think I’ve got all the time in the world
When I only have a few years left
Please, I beg of you world
Don’t leave me in heartbroken tears
I tell myself I’m fine
I’m doing great
I go skateboard
I take beautiful pictures no one will ever see
I write poems for the other poets to understand me
I draw
And I call my family on weekends
Cause what else am I supposed to do
I smoke weed and I stare at the stars
I hang out with strangers cause it’s easier then being alone
No one is ever calling my phone
Feeling so lost, whats a young man to do?
I’ll get lost in the background of the blues
I’ve done it so much it becomes a second life
No one truly knows who I am
Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see fragments of what I could have been
I see different reflections
Sometimes I dive too deep into my self, looking for a purposeful redirection
Is it my ego or just a bigger overall self perception
Don’t know who I’m staring at
Just a boy with blue eyes
Call me brace face
So When I smile back at myself
I know what’s attached to me
Physical discrepancy
Carrying around all this moving jewelry
In my ears, I’ll put some in my nose, in my lips to
Keep changing myself for some new type of growth
Still feeling like a lost little kid
Who wants the perfect family
A nice house
A big back yard to play in
Wanting to not feel this pain, this sadness
Take me back to my youth
Take me back to the child I once was
All this time I wanted to grow up
But now I want to stay small and young
I want my father to pick me up again and spin me around so it feels like im flying
For for a quick second it would all feel ok
I want my mother to hold me one last time to tell me that she loves me
That she will always be with me, inside my soul
But their not here
I’m all alone
I fall deeper into the blue undertones
What’s a young man supposed to do?
No phone calls
Distractions only get me so far these days
I want to get in my car and drive away
The issue is, is that I can’t drive away from myself
From my reflection
My past
Or my future
I’m stuck in this body and I have to take control
But I truly just feel so fucking alone
Maybe I’m a self torturer
Maybe internal pain and self mutilation is all I’ve ever known
I ask god to take me far away from this place
I pray to the heavens, to the moon and the stars
So I don’t fall apart
But I stay suck in this body
In this brain that I can never tame
I’m just all alone, in my bedroom
I smoke and I look in the mirror
I over self evaluate, it’s getting kind of scary, kind or weird
Don’t want to be here but I don’t know where else to escape to
I keep trying to hold on
I’ll sing myself some love songs in my bedroom
Could I fix this broken heart?
I’m not sure what to do
Where I should go next
Who to call up when I’m feeling this low
All I know is I feel truly alone
What’s a beautiful boy to do
Feeling so goddam blue

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