Why am I like this?
What if they leave me?
Terrible. Stupid. Lazy. Worthless person.
You do nothing good in this world, your life means nothing.
Who could ever think to love you.

Those thoughts that plague my mind every day,
Throbbing with the pain of negativity.
My mind like an endless river of doubt and self-pity.
Crashing waves of insults and belittling comments
To drown any happiness that may fall in.

My body feels like a broken glass,
Leaking any good that gets poured into it
And leaving only feelings of emptiness.
No good can stay too long within me,
Lest it leave or somehow get corrupted by my worries.

My presence is like a void of sadness,
Swallowing anyone who dares be happy around me.
My friendships turn to nothing before me,
The sadness consuming every possible conversation.
My relationship,
Withering away as it tries to control my mind,
The void feeding on it.

It tries desperately to hold on,
Determined to silence the endless hunger.
My death is beneficial.
It brings with it a beacon of light
To overcome the darkness.
My thoughts vanish,
The river, once rapid, now flows
With a sense of tranquility.

My body destroyed,
No more will anything good be able to leak out
And be lost forever.
My presence lingers on,
In every corner the light may not reach,
Holding on to the sadness
The death may bring to those who thought they loved me.
I plague their minds the same way
I plagued my own.
Corruption and consumption
My only purpose now.
© J.D.L