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replacement of my "irreplaceability"
i wrote a draft called
forever until morning
about how life with my
verbally abusive ex
was about our foreverness of the
sleepless nights
wrapped in sheets
our chemistry like an art
and how we were forever
until morning came through
and the imperfections of us
beamed through
technicolor glass
our silhouettes in the moonlight,
like stars dancing.
the imperfections of us
could only tell me vulnerability
equaled pain and self doubt
i was not told loving you
meant losing my self respect.
i refused to acknowledge that
i was being drained of my stability
being preyed on
for the things that made me precious.
i cannot describe the stillness now
unsure of talking about feelings
saying the wrong thing
treading lightly
where you were easygoing and relaxed
i was effervescent and wild
i burnt myself out when i realized
me being gone probably set you aflame
you gave me minute love
and i gave you all the life
i think you did a lot of damage
i kinda cant tell,
there's been a numbing feeling
since the pain started.
just a
whoosh...
whenever i feel something.
ever since we broke up,
the world has fallen silent,
a time lapse of everything that happened,
our 20 second movie has started ringing.
it's so faint.
it's like everything my pain has created
has quieted everything down.
and i blame you,
because it's quieted down my ability to feel.
not that long ago
i found my laptop,
checked imessage briefly,
and found our last texts.
my last text never went through
but i checked it,
heart pounding against my ribcage
"delivered" 12/28
i was defending myself that day
so i felt everything in that moment.
anger felt normal,
sadness felt needed,
fear felt expected,
my thoughts felt clear
and all i could interpret from that
was pain and the inability to let go.
and then the emotions
silenced themselves.
the faint ringing started again.
not a perfect ending to a love story like ours,
because if a new chapter started,
i'd have to force myself to
treat you like a stranger.
you had found my dignity
and dug into it with a knife.
© All Rights Reserved
about how life with my
verbally abusive ex
was about our foreverness of the
sleepless nights
wrapped in sheets
our chemistry like an art
and how we were forever
until morning came through
and the imperfections of us
beamed through
technicolor glass
our silhouettes in the moonlight,
like stars dancing.
the imperfections of us
could only tell me vulnerability
equaled pain and self doubt
i was not told loving you
meant losing my self respect.
i refused to acknowledge that
i was being drained of my stability
being preyed on
for the things that made me precious.
i cannot describe the stillness now
unsure of talking about feelings
saying the wrong thing
treading lightly
where you were easygoing and relaxed
i was effervescent and wild
i burnt myself out when i realized
me being gone probably set you aflame
you gave me minute love
and i gave you all the life
i think you did a lot of damage
i kinda cant tell,
there's been a numbing feeling
since the pain started.
just a
whoosh...
whenever i feel something.
ever since we broke up,
the world has fallen silent,
a time lapse of everything that happened,
our 20 second movie has started ringing.
it's so faint.
it's like everything my pain has created
has quieted everything down.
and i blame you,
because it's quieted down my ability to feel.
not that long ago
i found my laptop,
checked imessage briefly,
and found our last texts.
my last text never went through
but i checked it,
heart pounding against my ribcage
"delivered" 12/28
i was defending myself that day
so i felt everything in that moment.
anger felt normal,
sadness felt needed,
fear felt expected,
my thoughts felt clear
and all i could interpret from that
was pain and the inability to let go.
and then the emotions
silenced themselves.
the faint ringing started again.
not a perfect ending to a love story like ours,
because if a new chapter started,
i'd have to force myself to
treat you like a stranger.
you had found my dignity
and dug into it with a knife.
© All Rights Reserved
